Wondering and waiting...

So, I was talking to my mom the other night and she told me that she had a dream the night before. Life was as normal, and then all of the sudden there was a beautiful baby with curly dark hair there. She posited, "Maybe your baby was born today."

I immediately got goosebumps and teared up, as I am prone to do. And then I almost threw up.

It took me a minute to understand why I had that reaction, and then I got it.

It could be true. The child that I will be allowed to raise/ care for/ love/ adore/ share my life with could already be born. Or, could be born today. Or, tomorrow. I started thinking about the incredible decision that my child's birth parents could be making today. Or tomorrow.

And, then I started thinking about the child. Is he wrapped on his mother's or grandmother's back as he should be? Or, is he lying alone in a crib? Or, is he being dropped off at a local kebele today? Is he being put to breast or is there a bottle propped up in his tiny little mouth?

Is he dressed in warm layers, or is he wrapped in a threadbare scarf? Is he being cherished as he should be? As every child should be?

Maybe his mother is ill. Maybe he is ill. Maybe he is in a crowded Addis hospital at this very moment. Is he getting the medication he desperately needs, or is there no access to it because the electricity is out?

I think this might be the equivalent of pregnancy. The worrying, the wondering, the waiting... I wish there was something I could do. Like take pre-natal vitamins or go to Lamaze class. Unfortunately, these are the adoption realities.

These things are weighing very heavily, but then I thought today....

maybe my baby was born????!!!!!!

Isn't it absolutely amazing to think that this could be true?

Process update: the last missing piece to this complicated jigsaw puzzle is still my home study document. It is as-we-speak in the hands of the IL DCFS. It should be evaluated and certified within the next few weeks, at which point I will happily/eagerly/anxiously officially go on the wait list for an infant (0-12 month) boy or girl.

please, please, PLEASE...

go to this site... 

Awkward Family Photos

you will DIE!

On the right there is a drop down list of categories for your viewing enjoyment. 

Thumbs Up!

Today, I am giving myself a big thumbs up. The reason why: It's August 1st and everything that I can do has been done!

- Home visit -CHECK

- Dossier submitted- CHECK

-I-600A submitted- CHECK

In addition, those pesky fingerprint problems have gone away- got all of my clearances on Thursday.

Whew! Does this feel great?!

Now, I'm just waiting for my agencies to agree on the perfect home study document and waiting to get my appointment for my USCIS fingerprinting. It may take a little bit to get the home study wrapped up (fingers crossed that the lone woman in Springfied who looks at these has a slow week!), but it does feel great having all of that paperwork out of my house --and off of my dining room table which had become a lateral file cabinet in recent days!

So, in case you're wondering... it will be a little while longer until I'm officially on the wait list. The wait list is around 5-6 months, then to pass court, get an embassy date, and travel to bring home the babe... I'm thinking maybe this time next year I'll be a mom!

I am now home in Indiana visiting family and celebrating with more weddings (4 this year!) and bridal showers. So nice to catch up with family and friends, meet new husbands and husbands-to-be, and relax in E-town.

Thanks to everyone who has asked how it's going-- it feels so nice to answer-- GREAT!!

Bad news, then Good news

So, the bad news first... 

I got a letter last week stating that the IL state police rejected my fingerprints...the audacity!!  

Outside of being a major inconvenience, this could potentially slow down my process.  I needed the criminal clearance from my prints as part of my DCFS* clearance for my home study.   I have already been re-printed, so hopefully I'm well on my way of being cleared.  Nobody will give me an estimate of how much this will slow things down, but I'm trying to remain optimistic.

On the good side...  

Not counting the (totally different) police clearance which I will get on Tuesday and one outstanding reference letter (eh hem-- you know who you are!)  I am COMPLETELY done with all of my international dossier documents.  When my home study is finished, I will take everything downtown for certification and then all will be shipped to Colorado to be reviewed by my agency.  

One MORE thing on the good side...

My home study agency as a rule does not do the home visit (when the social worker comes to inspect my apartment) until after the DCFS clearance goes through.  After a couple of my ever-so-subtle hints, my social worker has agreed to do my home visit before this happens (scheduled 7/30/09) so that when my clearance comes through, we just have to hit print and be done with this!

So, I guess today the good is outweighing the bad.  I have been told by everyone going through this process that 

things WILL go wrong.  

It's expected.  

I don't like it.  

I like control.    : )

P.S.  Is anybody else sick of hearing these two phrases:  "toxicology report"  and "economic climate" ??    Give us some good news and leave the poor man to rest in peace!  

*Department of Children and Family Services

Summer fun

Chitown summer hit hard last week... the ancient window unit A/C was cranked up and to my wonderful surprise, it still works!  

Let me tell you-- nobody appreciates summer more than Chicagoans.   The outdoor cafes are packed, there is a near constant stream of people walking to and from the beach, and the farmers markets are the places to be.   I am especially proud of my backyard roses... a daily reminder to stop and smell them.  : )

I spent my first official summertime weekend day living it up -- a bike ride, brunch, and a dip in the pool.  My friend Marisa and I almost had ourselves fooled into believing that the salt hill next door was the mountains, the pool at Smith Park the ocean, and the hard concrete a sandy beach.  It worked for about 5 minutes... until the car alarms started beeping.  But, hey, it was a good 5 minutes!!

I continue to love the new schedule.  Sleeping at night rules!

I haven't heard anything from DCFS-- I am still awaiting their approval.  My home visit is on hold until I am approved, so I am a little anxious for this to happen.  I have however been gathering my many, many documents that will compile the dossier.  

A question for other adoptive parents:  When did you tell your employer that you were adopting?  This is my dilemma... I need a letter from the hospital I work for stating that I am an employee in good standing, blah, blah, blah.  The problem is that I just changed departments (last week!) and I'm not sure when it's appropriate to tell (or not tell).   I would really like to have the letter from them in a couple of weeks, but I'm nervous!  It will be the first time that I've told a near-stranger of my adoptive plans.   Any advice is appreciated! 

In Ethio-news, I had a great time last night at the opening ceremony of the ESFNA soccer tourney.  Music, food, dancing, and R & N getting $5 fake Ethio-tattoos... it doesn't get much better than that!  Here is the link to the week of fun in Chicago if you have time.  

Making Progress...

A lot has happened in the last few weeks!  

I had a birthday (#32!), I got a new job, my sister got married, and I have ALMOST completed my homestudy!  

My sister's wedding was so nice--she looked radiant and I am so thrilled for her and her new husband!  After the wedding was over, I started telling many of my cousins, aunts, uncles, etc... about the impending adoption.  I am thrilled to say that (for the most part--grandparents may take some time!) everyone was excited and genuinely happy.  I know my mom is excited that she can start proclaiming herself a grandma.  : )

So, I had my 3rd (out of 4) meeting with my social worker and it went a-million-times better than the last couple of meetings.  I don't know what the change was, but I feel like we are now on the same side.  What a relief!  As my next appointment with her is my home visit, I feel like I will be MUCH less nervous.  Now, to start cleaning.....

I have started emailing/trading blogs with other single parents adopting from Ethiopia and it has been very helpful.  So nice to have someone to bounce feelings off of who has gone through/is going through the same joys (and frustrations).  Thanks, guys!

In other news, I start my new job tomorrow.   A little nervous, but more excited.  I will be working in a clinic at the same hospital, so the hours are glorious.  Fingers crossed for a great first day!

Moving right along

Since my last post, I've met twice with my home study counselor, attended two classes, read multiple books, and spent an embarrassing amount of hours reading other adopt0-blogs.   

While it has been a lot of work (and potentially most of my detailed paperwork still lies ahead) it hasn't been horrible.  I think it has to do with knowing that my end product is coming home with a kid! 

I have had some ups and downs emotionally lately about the process in general.  First, there have been changes in the Ethiopia program which will possibly make my adoption harder to process.  Second, I go back and forth between wondering if this adoption is indeed the BEST thing to do.  

For those of you who don't know me- my plan involved applying for Peace Corps service next year and then pursuing an MPH, focusing on international health issues.  When I started thinking about adoption, all of those other plans started to seem dull in comparison.    

But, just this week, I was reading an article about the health situation in Ethiopia and I started to have this feeling.  Am I really helping the problem by adopting a child?  Could my exorbitant adoption fees be better spent in assisting a program already established in Ethiopia?  Will this adoption ever actually come to fruition anyway?   

For now, I've decided I can't answer these big questions.  I know that I am ready to be a parent.  I know that there are many children who are waiting for a home.  And, I know that I am ready to share my heart and home with one of them.  So, I am moving right along.  

And, as the quote tells us...

"Adopting one child won't change the world; but for that one child, the world will change. "

P.S.  I got a new job!  No more night shifts!! No more weekends!!!