Holiday cheer (and a little cheese!)

This time last year I had just found about about a teeny-eensy baby boy that would make me a family.

This year... well, this year was ALL about that baby boy who's not so teensy-eensy anymore.

Merry Christmas to you!

One year ago today.

One year ago today at 10:00am, I fell in love with a picture.

I got a call (THE CALL) at work. I will never forget it.

I missed the call and when I saw it was my agency that had called, I freaked. I will NEVER, ever forget the message, "Hi, Sara...give me a call back. I think I have an early Christmas present for you!"

I jumped up from my desk. I burst into tears and I doubled over as if in pain. I knew it was my referral. Of course it was. Why I had such a physical reaction, I will never know. I didn't call her back for over 15 minutes. I was so nervous.

I would finally know who my child was. What is his/her story? What does he/she look like? How old is s/he?

I think I knew that once I picked up the phone and called her back my world would never be the same. And, I just needed a minute.

When I called her back, she told me that she had a referral for me. His name is Abel and he was five weeks old.

Five. weeks. old. Five. weeks. old.

For some reason that's all I could think about. I could not comprehend it. There was a tiny person living on the other side of the world, and I was being given the honor to be his momma.

And, then I opened my email and saw the most amazing thing I have ever seen with my own eyes...

...my son.

Abel Tegegne, I am so glad we found each other.

Sappy Sunday

As a music lover, it ... well, it makes my heart sing ... that my boy loves music too.

He is a dancing fool, makes a drum out of everything, and has just recently started singing all. of . the. time.

He was singing away in the bathtub the other night. I didn't catch the best part on video, but it's too darn cute not to share. :)

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Ow-ees and attachment.

Baby boy had his first big ow-ee this week and momma got that phone call you never want to get: Your boy's hurt, come quickly. :(

He is fine now, apparently thanks to some awesome Puerto Rican wonder ointment... must look that stuff up! This pic does no justice to the size of that goose egg. I mean, you've seen this kid's head. I didn't think it could get any bigger, but oh yes... it did!

Attachment:

I have started noticing that Abel is experiencing more and more stranger anxiety. And beyond that, has been more clingy in general. I have a theory. Let me know what you think.

Abel came home at six months. During the time of 'normal' (for lack of a better word) stranger anxiety, he was just getting to know his primary caregiver. It makes sense to me that this could be delayed a little based on his timeline (versus a regular timeline of developmental milestones). He has always preferred me and has acted 'appropriately' towards me (again, whatever that means!), but this behavior is new.

I'm looking at it as positive. He knows who I am to him now and he doesn't want us to be apart. While it can be stressful at times (he just started crying when I leave day care--sad!), I think this is showing improvement for us.

That's my theory and I'm stickin' to it.

Sappy Sunday

I remember when my friend Sarah had her son. We were young and she was the first of my group of peers to become a parent. She used to say at every single age (1 month, 6 months, 9 months, 2 years, 5 years....),

"This is just such a fun age!"

I never believed her. How could every age possibly be so fun?

I get it now.

:)

Prizes! Big Prizes!

I hope you'll consider buying a chance at one of several FAB prizes at my friend Shannon's blog:

http://mythreeflowers.blogspot.com/2010/12/would-you-like-to-win-great-prize.html

I am hoping, hoping, hoping for that Kindle!

Sappy Sunday

I am pretty sure there is no cuter sound than that of my son saying, "Uh oh!".

Sweet sappy sweetness...

Help!! There's a toddler in my house!

-At dinner last night, I got a hand swipe and definitive, "NO!" when I dared to give him something he didn't want (at least at that very moment...he was eating it 2 minutes before.)

-He can go from happy boy to mad boy to sad boy to happy boy all in about 20 seconds. It's got to be some kind of record.

-He is naughty! And I know he knows by the way he looks at me as he's doing something he's not supposed to ... it's all in the eyes. NAUGHTY!

All signs point to my baby boy becoming a toddler. All I can say is YIKES! :)

A day late.

I spent so much of my day yesterday (World AIDS Day) thinking about our family in Ethiopia, a country very much affected by the HIV/AIDS crisis.

We likely have family infected or affected by AIDS and without medication, because this is unfortunately the standard. I found myself angry and fighting back tears a lot of the day. The weight of the disparity in health care is so overwhelming and sad.

I am troubled about what to do. I have intentions of going to grad school for global health and (hopefully) working in advocacy at some point. But what can I do NOW? Of course I make the meager donations I can make. Of course I advocate -on my very small scale- with people in my life to lessen the stigma of HIV/AIDS. But what else?

This is a rambling post. But I guess that's where my head is... rambl-y, sad, and feeling a little stuck about what I can do. I hate that.

I am praying for:
-Big pharmaceutical companies to step up and stop trying to profit from HIV/AIDS drugs.
-People to get tested. Get tested. Get tested.
-Little and big people alike to stop suffering from the stigma that surrounds their status.
-No more babies to be needlessly infected at birth or by breastfeeding.

Sappy Sunday

Sappy thought for the day...

The incredible heart swell for the joyful outreached little arms that only want you.

I don't think I ever understood how amazing it would be to have a little person in this world who always picks me. I was a pediatric nurse, babysat for years, unofficial 'auntie' to lots of babes... you get the picture. But, oh. I had NO idea what it felt like to be that little person's favorite person.

Seriously. Heart. melt.

Sappy Sunday

Okay, I'm not a great blogger. I don't do Fave Foto Fridays, Wordless Wednesdays, or Thankful Thursdays.

But parenthood has turned me into a big sap and I need an outlet, so I'm introducing Sappy Sundays!

Today's sap:

Sometimes as Abel is falling asleep he smiles a little. And sometimes when he's fallen asleep in his clothes and I lay him down and take off his shoes and socks, he sleep-giggles. It kills me.

Consider sharing your sappy sap with blogland!

And, because I know this is the reason you come here...

Can I tell you something sappy?

There was a moment yesterday as I was rocking the little one to sleep (he was settled into his favorite little nook under my arm) that I was sure my heart was going to explode from the happiness.

Truly.

Love.

Really?

Geno's World: Nia Vardalos talks about adoption on "The Talk".

Can you please watch the video above and tell me if you agree that the NATIONAL spokesperson for adoption just said her decision to adopt a child was based on adopting a dog? Really??

This makes me really sad. While I appreciate her candor (and totally get that she thought she was being funny), really?! She, of all people as a SPOKESPERSON, could not come up with a more eloquent way to talk about this?

Also, she didn't want to discuss ANY of the challenges of adopting an older child? I recognize that her goal is to promote adoption, but still ... a little acknowledgement of hardship would probably help the case. Don't you think?

One year old and six months home!

Crazy.

The past two weeks I've been a reminiscing basketcase.

Two things occurred to me:

1. My baby is no longer a baby.

2. He's been with me longer than he was in an orphanage, half of his life.

My big boy is growing like a weed. He's in the 60th percentiles for both weight and length. His head is off the charts, but what can I say? The boy has a big brain! He has eight teeth and is working on some molars. He tries to run (he gets momentum from the enormous noggin!). He will do anything for yogurt. He is trying new foods slowly. Not hating, but not loving either. He loves kids...all kids. He has a winning smile and a fake camera smile. They are both ridiculously adorable. He hates cold weather and wind. (Yay Chicago. lol) The only word he says consistently and discriminately is 'kitty-CAT'. (You would only know how much this irritates me if you knew how irritating my cat is.) Oh sure, he says other things and he jabbers on non-stop, but 'kitty-CAT' is the one he always goes back to. He has been pre-tantruming (think screaming in line at the grocery store). Yep, he's a

toddler!

I just want to add here that I am amazed. every. single. day. at this child. This baby that had so many concerned for his health. This baby that hardly grew for three months straight. This baby that had me thinking I needed to jump on a plane to make sure he was okay. This baby that worried people enough that four virtual strangers carried special formula in their suitcases just to make sure his brain would grow. This baby. This baby is a walking, talking, strong, smart, agile, and beautiful toddler. Amazed. And oh-so-thankful.

Also must add, that in all the celebration of Abel's first birthday, thoughts of his birth family are near. I don't for a second celebrate without a pang of grief, thinking about how his birth parents could be feeling now. I cried when he ate his birthday cake. Completely overwhelmed by emotion...what would he be doing now, who would he be with, what would life be like if his birth family had been able to parent. So heavy.

Goofy, camera smile--told you!

As all of you AP's know, the six month mark is THE mark. The one where you feel a little more comfortable evaluating how well this family thing is going. I have spent a lot of time remembering how I felt during those first weeks and months home. It was hard. Harder than I let on. I feel more comfortable saying it now since we are in a good place, but I regret not talking about it sooner, and with more honesty. Please do NOT get me wrong. We're good. He's good. But, I just want to be clear that infants experience trauma, too. Just because I 'got him young' doesn't mean he didn't have any trouble adjusting to life with me and didn't grieve.

He has made such progress ...he is social and dare-I-say well-adjusted. He loves day care, appears to be attaching to me appropriately, and is a generally pretty laid back kid. His smile really does make the world go 'round. Really.

All that to say, here we are and life is good. Six months in to our little family of two. I am still thankful every day and some days have to pinch myself to remind me that he is REALLY here. My life is so rich and blessed because of this boy and this process.

Addis Ababa, May 6 2010

Home, November 2010

Happy Birthdayween!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Born to accessorize.

I'm digging the contrast with the flannel and evening clutch.

He fills his momma's shoes pretty well.

How did that happen?

Apparently, I passed my 100th post!

I never would have thought that by this time I would have my little guy home with me. Wow, the time has flown. I guess I had a lot to say!

I'm not really sure what this blog is anymore? I found writing it (but mostly reading others' posts) so helpful during my wait and adoption process, but am struggling to find its purpose or theme anymore. Cute baby pics? Catharsis? Hmmm... don't know.

Guess until I figure it out it will be a combo of the two. No deep thoughts today, but will leave you a pic of my mini punkin. :)

SHORT order cook

I got Abel a play kitchen for his upcoming birthday. I unveiled it tonight and he decided to make dinner.

I recorded him playing and then realized it pretty much looks like the average night around here, which usually goes...

1. Hey! I'm going to COOK tonight!!
2. Ugh. This is a lot of work.
3. AARGH. I HATE dishes.
4. C'mon, kid. Let's get take-out.
5. Who needs a drink?

He pretty much nailed it.

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

A day in the life.

Breakfast with Mrs. C.

A marathon.

Three parks.

One ride in a fire engine.

Lots of friends.

Two naps.

One change of wardrobe.

One pooped little guy.

One perfect indian summer day.

I love technology.

Here he is using my laptop to watch a video (of himself), while sending an embarrassing, nonsense text to someone I barely know, while guarding the remote control. The globs of applesauce on my computer should prove that this wasn't the first time. It starts young, huh?

I'm sure if he could do more than repeat syllables, he would be singing this classic...

"Yes, I love technology.

But not as much as you, you see.

But I still love technology.

Always and forever."

Walk tall.

My little stinker turns 11 months old this week. He is on the move!

I am so proud of how hard he has worked... and here he is walkin' tall.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Busy body.

We spent the whole day indoors. Not that it wasn't sunshiny (if a little cold), we just needed the day to chill. El Senor took two, two-hour naps (holla!) and I...well, I did too (HOLLA!).

He is really getting around now, and by getting around I mean getting in. to. every. thing.

Holy cow. No (dusty) corner goes untouched.

Here he is 'helping' me sort his clothes. (For the record, this was already done and packed up nicely to go to the basement.)

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

And here he is playing in the bathroom. Who knew a roll of toilet paper could entertain for so long? Don't you think this means he's ready to potty train? :)

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Guess who..

...was witnessed shouting to her son today, "Stop growing! I'm not done with you being a baby yet!"

Yep. And then I packed up all of his 0-9 month clothes. And wiped away lots of tears.

Did I mention he is walking (read: breaking my heart?!).

Just stop it already!!

Hard day.

Today was one of those days that really catches you off guard and knocks you to the ground. I feel like I got the emotional wind knocked out of me. I was down for the count for a good half of the day.

The grief surrounding adoption is intensely sad and consuming. The thing that I kept thinking about today is that I am the member of this triad that has lost the least. And this is how I feel?

And then I just feel more sad.

Thanks to some good AP buddies for listening and being generally awesome. What would I do without you?

The boy loves his food.

Abel is obsessed with oatmeal lately. He gets so excited that he cheers for it between bites. Today, I couldn't tell if he was cheering or asking for more. He loves to eat!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Stuff people say

So, of course the words of this post are still ringing in my ear. I've thought through it a lot. (Thanks for the supportive emails and comments, by the way.)

I'm pretty good at forgiving lame things people say to me. Probably because I lay in bed nightly and think of the (fifteen or so) ridiculous and regrettable things I have said to people during the day. I get that sometimes the things that come out of your mouth and your intention can be very different. I'm just as guilty as the next person.

That said, things people say about my adoption (the process, but especially about my son or his birthplace/history) sting a little more than the average zinger. The thing is, our little family is still very new and oftentimes people assume I am more confident or comfortable in my role than I really am. I'm still learning it, figuring it out. And I'm EXTREMELY protective over my son, his history, and how we became a family. I recognize that because of this I am pretty sensitive.

I have heard A LOT of ridiculous comments since starting the process to adopt. The most offensive questions have been about Abel's medical/family/social history. I mean, really, the audacity of people when it comes to this stuff is beyond me. (Would I walk into a newborn nursery and say to you, "Your baby is beautiful. Does his dad have AIDS?")

The thing that struck me today is that while that comment about being "let" to adopt my child stung, it's a lot easier for me to take than the obnoxious comments directed at my son. I can take it. I'm a grown up. I can rationalize and recognize stupidity. My son can't do that and won't be able to for a long time. It kills me to think of these comments hurting him someday.

I am attempting to change my attitude from balking at stupid questions to taking the opportunity to educate about international adoption - the beautiful and the ugly. Any advice on transitioning awkward adoption questions/comments into teachable moments is appreciated!

The Abel Effect

Fourteen.

That's the number of people who went out of their way to approach and speak to Abel today while we were running errands. I counted. It bordered on the obscene.

You don't have to twist my arm to admit he's cute. We KNOW he's cute. (Those eyes!)

It's more than that. This kid has the ability to brighten someone's day with so much as a glance. It's special. When he's in the room, the room changes. People remember him. Talk about him.

My parents cracked up last weekend when we went out to lunch. A woman crossed the restaurant to tell us how amazing he is. Really!

I'm not saying this because I'm his mom and I'm supposed to think it. I'm telling you, the kid is special.

He has a game he plays when we're in public. I don't think he's even aware, but I'm watching. He will lock eyes with someone and smile until they smile. As of today, he's undefeated. I have seen sourpuss faces light up in reaction to that grin.

I guess you could read this and think that I'm just bragging about my son. It's not the case. I'm writing this as just another person who came across his path in life and was immediately smitten. It just seemed so remarkable to me today.

Smile. You can't resist. He dares you.

Kitty

Really? Really??

Me to the naughty cat: No-no, kitty.

Abel: keh teeeeee

Noooooooooo! Momma, dammit!!! Momma WILL be your first word!

"That's really nice"

A very educated, urbane colleague of mine said to me last week on the subject of my adoption as a single person...

"That's really nice that they let you do that."

Huh?

Why is that nice?

Because it's second best? Because 'they' feel sorry for me? Who is 'they'?

I'm still not quite sure what was meant by the comment, but it didn't sit right. This is a person with some authority over me, so I didn't feel comfortable getting in to it. Maybe I should've? It's obviously still bothering me.

Is this one of those comments that you let roll off your back or confront?

I'm still figuring it out.

What she said...

http://adayatthebeauchamps.blogspot.com/2010/08/not-ok.html

Can you help?

Our friend's sister was adopted by a family in Spain and they are trying to reconnect.

Can you help? See Kerri's blog here...

http://1crazyfamily.wordpress.com/2010/08/22/looking-for-elihambuscando-eliham/

Lady Killer?

Today was the third time different strangers have told me my son will be a 'lady killer'. The first being in Ethiopia... something like... "He's very handsome. How you say. English? Lady Killer?" I laughed for days about that one.

He IS quite the charmer, but you be the judge. Lady Killer? Or Class Clown?

(Why yes, I AM collecting images for future blackmail. How smart of me!)

Just what we needed...

...a weekend of no plans, just fun.

The only thing on the docket for the ENTIRE weekend was Abel's first music class. I had been looking forward to it all week. The boy l.o.v.e.s music. He's even been known to throw his hands up in the aaaaiirrr, when a certain hip hop giant tells him to.

Of course he loved the class. All except for the part when they had to put their instruments back in the basket. He didn't quite get that.

We also spent some time getting ready for the week. Trying to get organized, so that the days aren't so hectic during the week. Maybe that's part of my stress? Anyway, I thought that Abel really needed a new chair. He picked it out all by himself... how could I say no? :)

Sophisticate.

The executive in his business center. (Appointments encouraged.)