I hope.

I hope. 

For more love, more joy, and laughter.

I hope.

You'll have more than you'll ever need.

I hope.  

We'll have more happy ever afters.

I hope. 

We can live more fearlessly.

And, we can lose all the pain and misery.

I hope. I hope.

Hoping for a peaceful new year to all of my dear friends and family.

Still here, and break-ing.

I am still alive, and no... nothing has happened yet.  :) 

My intentional break has really helped.  I have found myself even going a whole day without thinking about the adoption, which is a first.

This is the end of a fabulously busy week, which I was thankful for as a distraction.  Now, I'm sitting here trying to focus on a project for school, and I found myself feeling down for the first time in a few weeks. 

It probably didn't help that I called my mom and asked her what she wanted for Christmas.  Her answer?  "Just Little B."   

Me, too. 

Still lots of exciting things going on to keep me occupied.  Miss Y made her first Chicago appearance yesterday and has wooed everyone with her delicate and hilarious 'em-bee'.  My cousin visited last weekend and we hit all the Chi-town holiday tradtions including the german market and the windows on State Street.   And, of course, Santa is coming.    

I think the one thing that I've learned since starting this process in May is that it's so easy to get caught up in the...

... just-wait-till-you-get-on-the-list, just-wait-till-you-get-a-referral, just-make-it-through-this-week, just-make-it-through-this-day... 

It's too easy to wish away a half year of your life just waiting for this one thing to happen.  Several weeks ago I vowed to not do that any more.   I really do NOT want to be the person wishing her life away, not enjoying the moment.

So, I'll leave you with one of the things I enjoyed in life this week.  My cousin and I shared a fab brunch at the top of the Hancock building on Sunday.  For dessert, they had cake with nerd toppings.  If you don't know me well, here is something you should know... I love CAKE and I love NERDS.     This was like my individual heaven.  Really.  Enjoy a crappy cell phone picture of it.  

 

A break.

I have given myself permission to take a break.  A break from the obsessing, blog-stalking...

And it feels great.

I realized that yesterday marked twelve weeks of waiting, six of those weeks at (unofficial) number one.  All of you waiting know that first, that's not that long to wait ( I know- I'm not complaining!) and second, that no amount of obsessing, blog-stalking, calculating, etc... is going to make this happen one day sooner than it's supposed to.  

And, I wouldn't want it to.  

Sometimes we have to give ourselves a break and give ourselves permission to let go of things for a while.  The fake sense of control I get while obsessing over this is not helping.  In fact, I think it's hurting.  

This time of year has the MOST distractions and they are GOOD distractions... holiday parties with friends, seeing family, planning gifts and trips.  So many things to be grateful for and be excited about.  I don't want to enjoy these things less because I am stressed over something that will happen, just not right now, or at least not on the perfect timeline I have in my head.

It doesn't mean that I don't think about it everyday, and secretly hope for the call I know is not coming for a while.   Just giving myself permission to not let it run my life. 

And it feels great.