Oh, it is so hard...

... to be so incredibly concerned about a little person half way around the world.

A helpless, helpless feeling.

Looking up

Things have started to look up this week.

Last week was rough. Really, really rough. On top of not passing court (ugh.) there was lots of scary news about adoption in Ethiopia...lots of rumors that normally I would try to ignore, but I was in THAT kind of place that I allowed it to do some damage to my morale.

As if that weren't enough, some of my colleagues were the crankiest I've ever seen them. Like me screaming can't-we-all-just-get-along cranky. I really almost did. It was ridiculous.

And then over the weekend, it's like something snapped.

Spring is in the air. (In Chicago, a VERY big deal.)

I am not feeling so overwhelmed about may-be changes to my adoption plans and got some really sweet updates about the little fella.

One of my BFFs surprised me with a gift certificate for a massage. Ahhhh.

At Trad*r Jo*'s on Saturday, I got to spin the wheel because my bill equaled an even number and I landed on "bottle of water." My check-out guy said that was lame, and let me pick out a bouquet of flowers.

At work today I got the highest ever paid compliment in my professional (nursing) career by a doctor I work with, another doctor brought me a brand new car seat, AND my manager was really cool and supportive about some things we talked about.

Wow. Somebody knew I needed this.

And, I am so stinkin' excited that kimandbill are coming this weekend... to set up the crib and the rest of Little B's room. It's starting to feel real. And good.

Maybe next time?

Nope. Little B and I are not official yet.

His file was missing a very important letter.

We were rescheduled for March 24th.

(I am secretly--okay not so secretly--hoping that the letter will arrive and our case will be closed before then!)

Thanks for your prayers. Please don't stop.

P.S. Holy crapioli- did the ET adoption community just get rocked today or what? Still not clear if the change in policy will affect me yet or not, but will probably know more by Friday. In the meantime, yes, I am checking airlines.

P.P.S. Three cheers for my buddy and her new baby girl! So glad this day had some GOOD news!

Why is the clock ticking so slow?

Tomorrow is the day. Today has lasted forever!

I have tried to make the time pass quickly tonight. Had a perfect dinner of lovely soup (thanks, Ro) and cheap red wine (thanks, Trader Joe's). Wrote a paper (sarcastic thanks, U of I).

And then I took a loooong walk around my neighborhood and rocked out to some tunes which really helped me take my mind off things (thanks, JayZ, K'naan, Wyclef, MJ, Kanye, but especially to Bob who reminded me of a sweet song with a melody pure and true-- and not to worry, 'cause every little thing is gonna be alright.)

I actually got lost tonight. It was so nice.

Whether you are a pray-er, a finger-crosser, a belly-rubber, or a rain-dancer, please do your thing tonight. As we sleep, a very important decision will be made.

Losing my cool.

This post title is funny to me because you have to be cool to lose cool and I can't say that I have actually been cool since starting this process. Maybe I should re-title "Losing the little bit of cool I had mustered up."

Everything was fine until this morning. I woke up after a series of vivid, court date-related dreams. Ever since, I have started to lose the loose grip that I started with.

But, BUT, my amazing friend visited sweet baby B today and held him and cuddled him and loved on him and told me that my genius boy is already rolling from his back to his tummy.

It's amazing what these little updates and tidbits can do to make your heart swell. Tonight, I am hoping for sweet dreams of court passing and finally holding that baby boy.

Three.

Guess I am sticking with the "three" theme.

HEY- Did you remember that I have a court date in THREE days?!

The countdown has begun and I am feeling quite cool about it. Very unlike me.

Wishing, hoping, and praying that it will be the news we want to hear on Wednesday.

Please wish, hope, and pray for us!

Good Things Come in Threes

Number One: Monday night, I saw another vet who told me that she thinks the cat will by just fine without any intervention. She is still limping around, but she is a totally. different. animal. Eating, moving around, engaging... she looks so much better. We will wait it out before making any bigger (and sadder) decisions at this point. I am so relieved that she seems to be feeling better. (Quote of the night from the vet, "Cats got along just fine for thousands of years before there were kitty orthopedic surgeons!" No offense to any veterinary surgeons out there, but I do hope we never have to meet.)

Number Two: I visited a home daycare a couple of weeks ago that I really, really liked and it's around the corner from my apartment. I was super-bummed because she told me that in order to hold the spot, I would have to start paying her 50% now every week until I needed care. NOT doable... I probably won't be needing child care until the end of the summer and it would be irresponsible for me right now to pay that kind of money. She called me today and said that she has a family leaving at the end of June and if I want that spot, I wouldn't have to pay a dime until JULY! Um, yeah!!

Number Three: Is it wrong that I am putting #3 on hold until next week? Is it wrong to not want ANYTHING else good to happen so that I can save it -- and pass court on March 10th?!

Not sure if it works this way, but that's how it's all playing out in my head today. :)