Wondering and waiting...

So, I was talking to my mom the other night and she told me that she had a dream the night before. Life was as normal, and then all of the sudden there was a beautiful baby with curly dark hair there. She posited, "Maybe your baby was born today."

I immediately got goosebumps and teared up, as I am prone to do. And then I almost threw up.

It took me a minute to understand why I had that reaction, and then I got it.

It could be true. The child that I will be allowed to raise/ care for/ love/ adore/ share my life with could already be born. Or, could be born today. Or, tomorrow. I started thinking about the incredible decision that my child's birth parents could be making today. Or tomorrow.

And, then I started thinking about the child. Is he wrapped on his mother's or grandmother's back as he should be? Or, is he lying alone in a crib? Or, is he being dropped off at a local kebele today? Is he being put to breast or is there a bottle propped up in his tiny little mouth?

Is he dressed in warm layers, or is he wrapped in a threadbare scarf? Is he being cherished as he should be? As every child should be?

Maybe his mother is ill. Maybe he is ill. Maybe he is in a crowded Addis hospital at this very moment. Is he getting the medication he desperately needs, or is there no access to it because the electricity is out?

I think this might be the equivalent of pregnancy. The worrying, the wondering, the waiting... I wish there was something I could do. Like take pre-natal vitamins or go to Lamaze class. Unfortunately, these are the adoption realities.

These things are weighing very heavily, but then I thought today....

maybe my baby was born????!!!!!!

Isn't it absolutely amazing to think that this could be true?

Process update: the last missing piece to this complicated jigsaw puzzle is still my home study document. It is as-we-speak in the hands of the IL DCFS. It should be evaluated and certified within the next few weeks, at which point I will happily/eagerly/anxiously officially go on the wait list for an infant (0-12 month) boy or girl.