An ocean and a rock

I am so lucky to have a friend traveling to Ethiopia next week. She offered (oh wait, did she offer or did I assume?!) to take a small package to Little B from me.

This little package will be on its way from Chicago to Addis next week. Pretty soon he'll be holding the things in his hands that I just held in mine. And, then pretty soon after that, I'll get to hold him myself.

There is a song I like that says "an ocean and a rock is nothing to me." It's a pretty big ocean and a pretty big rock, but tonight it's not feeling so overwhelming.

"i am far away from where you lay

awake the day while you fall to sleep

an ocean and a rock away"

Lisa Hannigan

It's a boy

It is with great joy that I am finally able to announce that I have officially accepted the referral of a sweet and itty-bitty baby boy.

I heard of the little guy on 12/22/09 and saw his beautiful face for the very first time. I was just waiting on confirmation which I got over the weekend. He is now ten weeks old and from what I hear from my peeps in Ethiopia right now, between his big brown eyes and sweet smile, he is quite the heartbreaker.

Today, I signed my name to officially become his momma.

I still get a little choked up thinking about it.

I am someone's momma.

Help.

I don't know about you, but I can hardly turn on the TV without crying.

Pray. Then, do this:

Donate $10 to the American Red Cross – charged to your cell phone bill – by texting "HAITI" to "90999."

And, then do it again tomorrow.

Lice, Larva, and Losing It.

I'll be honest. The past 2.5 weeks have been tough.  Life has been busy...overwhelmingly so.  

In addition, I was blessed with a bout of food poisoning for Christmas and a sweet case of head lice for a special New Year's gift.    Add in 6 migraines (yes, I'm counting) in the past 14 days and you can pretty much guess what kind of state I'm in.

Today, I have a ton of work to do to just feel okay about starting another week.  It's not a great feeling.   You know what just made it worse?  I was going to treat myself to a high-carb start to the day.  Nothing like pancakes to keep you energized for a Sunday full of work.  I poured the mix into the bowl (yes, a mix--I told you I'm busy!) and discovered some squirmy wormy friends.  NASTY.

So, now on top of everything else, I feel like I need to clean out my whole pantry just to shake off these heeby-jeebies.

Soon, very soon, friends, I can tell you the TRUE reason for my current stressed-out state.  It's in the works and I'm going nuts.  Until then, I will just be here trying to pull it together and having cheese and crackers for breakfast.  It could be worse!

I hope.

I hope. 

For more love, more joy, and laughter.

I hope.

You'll have more than you'll ever need.

I hope.  

We'll have more happy ever afters.

I hope. 

We can live more fearlessly.

And, we can lose all the pain and misery.

I hope. I hope.

Hoping for a peaceful new year to all of my dear friends and family.

Still here, and break-ing.

I am still alive, and no... nothing has happened yet.  :) 

My intentional break has really helped.  I have found myself even going a whole day without thinking about the adoption, which is a first.

This is the end of a fabulously busy week, which I was thankful for as a distraction.  Now, I'm sitting here trying to focus on a project for school, and I found myself feeling down for the first time in a few weeks. 

It probably didn't help that I called my mom and asked her what she wanted for Christmas.  Her answer?  "Just Little B."   

Me, too. 

Still lots of exciting things going on to keep me occupied.  Miss Y made her first Chicago appearance yesterday and has wooed everyone with her delicate and hilarious 'em-bee'.  My cousin visited last weekend and we hit all the Chi-town holiday tradtions including the german market and the windows on State Street.   And, of course, Santa is coming.    

I think the one thing that I've learned since starting this process in May is that it's so easy to get caught up in the...

... just-wait-till-you-get-on-the-list, just-wait-till-you-get-a-referral, just-make-it-through-this-week, just-make-it-through-this-day... 

It's too easy to wish away a half year of your life just waiting for this one thing to happen.  Several weeks ago I vowed to not do that any more.   I really do NOT want to be the person wishing her life away, not enjoying the moment.

So, I'll leave you with one of the things I enjoyed in life this week.  My cousin and I shared a fab brunch at the top of the Hancock building on Sunday.  For dessert, they had cake with nerd toppings.  If you don't know me well, here is something you should know... I love CAKE and I love NERDS.     This was like my individual heaven.  Really.  Enjoy a crappy cell phone picture of it.  

 

A break.

I have given myself permission to take a break.  A break from the obsessing, blog-stalking...

And it feels great.

I realized that yesterday marked twelve weeks of waiting, six of those weeks at (unofficial) number one.  All of you waiting know that first, that's not that long to wait ( I know- I'm not complaining!) and second, that no amount of obsessing, blog-stalking, calculating, etc... is going to make this happen one day sooner than it's supposed to.  

And, I wouldn't want it to.  

Sometimes we have to give ourselves a break and give ourselves permission to let go of things for a while.  The fake sense of control I get while obsessing over this is not helping.  In fact, I think it's hurting.  

This time of year has the MOST distractions and they are GOOD distractions... holiday parties with friends, seeing family, planning gifts and trips.  So many things to be grateful for and be excited about.  I don't want to enjoy these things less because I am stressed over something that will happen, just not right now, or at least not on the perfect timeline I have in my head.

It doesn't mean that I don't think about it everyday, and secretly hope for the call I know is not coming for a while.   Just giving myself permission to not let it run my life. 

And it feels great.